ScumOfTheEarth
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Joined: November 2, 2011
Last Seen: 1 decade
user id: 233505
Joined: November 2, 2011
Last Seen: 1 decade
user id: 233505
26
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125 Favorites
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18 Followers
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You don't need my name. I'm mentally unstable. I like purple. I love figure skating because I get hurt a lot. Eminem is a kickass rapper. Volleyball. I used to cut myself but I don't really anymore. Gymnastics. No longer dangerously suicidal. I hate myself. I hate my friends. I hate my family. I can't trust anyone. I hate asking for attention, but I'm gonna do it anyway because I don't get enough in real life. So talk to me, because I have only one true friend and she lives 5 hours away.
Quotes by ScumOfTheEarth
Hey
guys...
...this is really weird but I was wondering if someone can give me a reason not just to not cut, but to make me not want to. I'm not going to, but it is absolutely KILLING me that I know I won't. I really want to see myself bleed, I just want to watch blood pour out of my wrist. I miss my blood, I haven't seen much of it in a while. Not only do I want to see the blood, but I like to watch the wounds heal. I like to look at the scars later. Now, I don't want to just hear "oh I cut too I know how you feel," because while that sucks that isn't going to help me. I just want someone to say something that will convince me that I don't need more scars to represent more pain, or something? I think that's it, I like to incarnate my pain into something tangible and visible, so that others could see what I felt throughout my life instead of the pain fading with my memories and not being able to explain it. Any advice? Just try? But don't say something that's going to make me want to do it more...
...this is really weird but I was wondering if someone can give me a reason not just to not cut, but to make me not want to. I'm not going to, but it is absolutely KILLING me that I know I won't. I really want to see myself bleed, I just want to watch blood pour out of my wrist. I miss my blood, I haven't seen much of it in a while. Not only do I want to see the blood, but I like to watch the wounds heal. I like to look at the scars later. Now, I don't want to just hear "oh I cut too I know how you feel," because while that sucks that isn't going to help me. I just want someone to say something that will convince me that I don't need more scars to represent more pain, or something? I think that's it, I like to incarnate my pain into something tangible and visible, so that others could see what I felt throughout my life instead of the pain fading with my memories and not being able to explain it. Any advice? Just try? But don't say something that's going to make me want to do it more...
I'm
worried.
It is such a good thing my dad was home when this happened. My mom started punching me, but after only a few seconds my dad got in between us and stopped her. He hates her more and more every day... but he has been too good of a person to leave her. He knows she wouldn't do well on her own. He is starting to really think that he and I should move out. I feel like it would be so much better for me if I wasn't around my mom so much and I just lived with my dad. I just don't know if I'd be able to handle all that positivity. There would be no more fighting, no more screaming, no more beating, no more of the constant hatred my house has been filled with since I was born. It would be too quiet. I just don't know. My dad just keeps saying "This is just not going to work. You and your mom are going to end up killing each other." I really don't even know. I just want to whine about my life and cry some more and die.
It is such a good thing my dad was home when this happened. My mom started punching me, but after only a few seconds my dad got in between us and stopped her. He hates her more and more every day... but he has been too good of a person to leave her. He knows she wouldn't do well on her own. He is starting to really think that he and I should move out. I feel like it would be so much better for me if I wasn't around my mom so much and I just lived with my dad. I just don't know if I'd be able to handle all that positivity. There would be no more fighting, no more screaming, no more beating, no more of the constant hatred my house has been filled with since I was born. It would be too quiet. I just don't know. My dad just keeps saying "This is just not going to work. You and your mom are going to end up killing each other." I really don't even know. I just want to whine about my life and cry some more and die.
So uh 2 days
ago I cut myself a few times.
I was pretty good about it... I arranged them very nicely on my hand and forearm to make to one on my wrist just casually blend in, and I purposely made it all look like an accident. I planned to blame it on my cat. I did not make any effort to hide it all. I wore short sleeves. I gestured with my hands when I talked. I complained when I got hand sanitizer in one of the cuts. Not a single person noticed. No one commented. I didn't have the chance to lie with my fake story. No one said anything. Not a "What happened?" Or a "Why do you have so many cuts on your hand and arm?" No one cares. Whatever. I am quite dissapointed in myself though... I haven't cut in a while. Whoops. It wasn't deep though, which is pretty good I guess.
I was pretty good about it... I arranged them very nicely on my hand and forearm to make to one on my wrist just casually blend in, and I purposely made it all look like an accident. I planned to blame it on my cat. I did not make any effort to hide it all. I wore short sleeves. I gestured with my hands when I talked. I complained when I got hand sanitizer in one of the cuts. Not a single person noticed. No one commented. I didn't have the chance to lie with my fake story. No one said anything. Not a "What happened?" Or a "Why do you have so many cuts on your hand and arm?" No one cares. Whatever. I am quite dissapointed in myself though... I haven't cut in a while. Whoops. It wasn't deep though, which is pretty good I guess.
Figure
Skating.
Because it makes me feel beautiful when I know it's not really true. Because it makes me feel graceful even though I am a clumsy dork. Because it makes me feel fast when everything else is moving painfully slowly, like being dragged accross a bed of nails. Because it makes me feel alive as the biting cold air numbs my skin when I usually just feel dead. Because it makes me feel safe when I collide with the ice, because I know that there's something solid to catch me, and I could simply just stand up and keep going. It makes me feel things I don't normally feel, and I love that. I feel like a different person, and I'm happy. It's one of the few things that make my life worth living. I don't have to be good at it, all I want is to do it.
Because it makes me feel beautiful when I know it's not really true. Because it makes me feel graceful even though I am a clumsy dork. Because it makes me feel fast when everything else is moving painfully slowly, like being dragged accross a bed of nails. Because it makes me feel alive as the biting cold air numbs my skin when I usually just feel dead. Because it makes me feel safe when I collide with the ice, because I know that there's something solid to catch me, and I could simply just stand up and keep going. It makes me feel things I don't normally feel, and I love that. I feel like a different person, and I'm happy. It's one of the few things that make my life worth living. I don't have to be good at it, all I want is to do it.